Status: Completed 05/01/2009

Word Count: 3,020

Author's Notes: Written for the Stargatekiddrabbles list's April 30th challenge; use one of the phrase, the words, or a combination of the them. Phrases: "I order you to stop being so inquisitive!" and "I thought I lost that years ago and you found it where?" Words: Dusty, blue, forgetful, chest, and for a bonus word: pillow.

"Did you figure it out yet?" John asked for the fourth time in less than thirty minutes. He'd been in Rodney's lab for half an hour asking him about the device and questioning what different things were.

"You know," Rodney began, "Einstein says, 'The definition of stupidity is asking the same thing over and over again and expecting different a different answer'."

"Actually," John replied smugly," he said, 'The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results'."

"Same difference," Rodney snarked as he glared at John. Changing the subject, he asked, "Where's your shadow?"

"Ditched him a while ago," John replied knowing Rodney was asking about the Marine that had been assigned to babysitting duty that morning. Ever since the whole thing had started, Colonel Carter had been adamant that either a member of the team or one of the Marines had to be with him at all times. She said it was to make sure John didn't get lost or hurt if -when- he reverted to acting like a kid. Intellectually, John knew it was the right thing to do, but he still resented it and took every opportunity to dump his "baby sitter" if it wasn't one of his team.

"What's this?" John asked, picking up yet another object he was almost certain he already knew what it was. He hated being so forgetful. It aggravated him to no end.

"You know what it is." Frustrated, Rodney yanked the object from John's hand. "I order you to stop being so inquisitive!"

"Rodney, I may be only a little over three feet tall now, but I'm still a colonel and I'm still your boss!" John replied with his hands planted firmly on his hips. He knew his 'I'm in charge here' glare was very ineffective coming from a four year-old, but he really didn't care.

"Yeah," Rodney fired back, "but only when you actually remember who you are!"

"This is all your fault anyway. I asked you, no, I ordered you not to touch that damn device until you had time to read the damn manual. Did you listen? Noooo! You just had to play around with it and now I'm stuck in a four year old body!" Taking a deep breath, John continued. "Not only that, but you've had enough damn time to figure that thing out and reverse the effects. What's taking so long?" he demanded hotly.

It had been nearly two months since John had been, as Rodney had put it, kidafied. It had been scary at first, especially when he slipped into 'full kid mode' and didn't remember ever being in the Air Force, let alone who all of the people on Atlantis were, but it was also fun.

For a while.

The novelty was really beginning to wear off now, especially since he couldn't go off-world again until he was back to normal. He really, really missed going off-world. He was also getting very sick of people constantly treating him like he was actually four. When this whole ordeal started, the time frames John actually acted the age he now was were relatively short. It now seemed the longer he stayed shrunk though, the longer the 'spells' were where he believed he was a child. Now, they lasted anywhere from forty minutes to well over two hours.

"It's comp-" Rodney started, pulling John from his thoughts.

John held up a hand to forestall the rest of what Rodney was going to say. "Yeah, I know, I know, it's complicated. You keep saying that. Just fix the God damn thing already," John bellowed as he stalked out of Rodney's lab, wishing, for what seemed like the millionth time, that Atlantis had doors that could be slammed.

The whole thing was odd and confusing. While he was a child, he remembered nothing of Atlantis and his friends, only what he'd learned after being shrunk. However, when he was back to normal, intellectually, he remembered everything that happened while he'd been acting like a four year-old. In the past couple of weeks, he seemed to be able to tell when the change was coming. He started loosing control of his emotions, and would find he was barely able to contain his tears over incidents that would normally having him shaking his head and just moving on. Like when he'd spilled his milk at breakfast the day before. He'd nearly burst into tears. Especially at the aggravated look Ronon had thrown him. And then that night, he'd resisted the urge to ask Teyla to read him a bedtime story when she'd tucked him in. It was also all he could do to stop himself from asking for a night light a few nights ago. The funny thing about that was, he didn't remember being afraid of the dark as a kid.

John wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was worried that the longer he remained a child, the more probable it was that the effects would be permanent. That scared him a lot more than he was willing to admit for many reasons. One of them being he'd be taken away from Atlantis, from his friends, and be forced to return to Earth. Then who would look after his people? It wasn't just his own team he was worried about, but every single man and woman on Atlantis.

And what would become of him? Would the Air Force give him to his brother to raise? Yeah, he could just picture how that conversation would go.

"Ah, yes, this is the United States Air Force Mister Sheppard. We realize that your brother, John, is technically two years older than you, but we need you to take custody of him. We can't tell you how or why, but he's been reduced, mentally and physically, to a four year old child."

Yeah, that would go over real well. After laughing his ass off, David would likely demand to know if John had put them up to the whole thing.

More than likely, he'd never see David again either. There was no way in hell the government was going to let an ordinary citizen –family or not– look after someone who was once part of a top secret government project and had been reduced from a thirty-five year old man to a four year old boy.

No, most likely he'd be locked up in some secret facility where he'd be poked, prodded, and studied until they found out what they wanted to know or he grew up again.

John really didn't want to have to grow up all over again. Childhood hadn't been all that great the first time around. It wasn't an experience he was looking forward to repeating.

It was happening again, John was sure of it: Forgetting the names and functions of the most basic devices was the first clue. Snapping at Rodney as he'd stormed out of his lab like a petulant child had been another sign.

A loud noise caught his attention and John ducked into a nearby room. For reasons he couldn't explain, he didn't want to be found.

John curled up into a ball, hands wrapped around his knees, and made himself as small as possible. Although he knew he must have intentionally lost his guardian -again- he didn't remember when he'd done it or why. He also knew he really should get up and look for someone but he was scared. He didn't want to get into trouble again. So, instead he stayed where he was. Sometimes being four really sucked.

Deciding that sitting in the corner was no fun at all, the overwhelming urge to explore overriding his fear, John figured it was time to get up. Pushing himself to his feet, he brushed the dust off his hands onto his pants. The room was dimly lit by the sunlight streaming in through a small window in one wall.

The room was large and sparsely furnished. There was a large desk against the wall with the window. On an adjacent wall there were two bookshelves, with no books on them, and a small stand. The other adjacent wall was empty. Next to the wall with the door was a trunk of some type. Figuring that was as good a place as any to start, John made his way over to the trunk. Just like everything else in the room, it was covered with dust and he sneezed as he opened it and dust flew up into his nose.

There wasn't much in the trunk, a few old books, some papers, some electronic things that looked vaguely familiar and a blanket of some kind. Nothing interesting. John was about to shut the lid when something sticking out from under the blanket caught his attention. Pulling the object out, he realized it was a necklace, a really pretty one. The chain was a long brown rope-like material. A single, smooth stone of the brightest blue he'd ever seen was at the end. He had to show it to Teyla. Maybe she could tell him what kind of stone it was. Carefully, he put the necklace in his pocket and shut the lid of the trunk.

There was nothing else of interest in the room, so John left it. The doors in Atlantis never ceased to amaze him. Never before had he seen doors with no handle of any kind. All he had to do was wave his hand in front of a sensor on the side of the door and it opened! He also thought it was very cool that he didn't have to stretch to reach light switches. The lights came on all by themselves whenever he entered a room! As totally cool as this city was, he missed his family.

Ronon, Teyla, Colonel Carter -he got to call her Sam-, and even Rodney were really nice to him. Well, Rodney wasn't always nice, but John could tell he tried to be. The Marines were pretty cool and always made him feel welcome. Still, none of them were his family. He missed his baby brother, even though he was stinky sometimes 'cause he still wasn't potty trained. He really missed his Mommy, but he knew he wouldn't be able to see her again even when he did get to go home. She had died a long time ago; a few months after David had been born. He even missed his Daddy.

Daddy yelled at him a lot, especially when he went off exploring by himself or when he talked about flying jet planes. Most of the time, Daddy looked at him at him with angry eyes, or disappointed ones. Sometimes Daddy's eyes were sad and he looked like he wanted to hug John. Rarely -and he really wished Daddy would look at him like that more often- did Daddy ever look at him with very happy eyes. But that only seemed to happen when he saw his report card from school. Daddy never hugged him though, even though he hugged David a lot and never looked at him with angry or sad or disappointed eyes.

In fact, the only time he remembered Daddy hugging him was last spring when he'd fallen off the patio roof and had broken his arm. That had hurt a really lot. Daddy had yelled at him for "pulling another stupid stunt" and looked so angry he was sure he was going to get punished. After a few minutes though, Daddy's eyes had gotten sad and he'd stopped yelling. He'd pulled John into a tight hug and kissed his head, told him everything was going to be okay. John had cradled his injured arm to his chest and snuggled into his Daddy's. They'd stayed like that until the ambulance had come to take him to the hospital.

John was beginning to think they had all lied to him. Maybe Daddy wasn't coming back for him. Maybe he'd decided that he was too much trouble and that David was the only son he needed. After all, he'd been at Atlantis for a long time and his Daddy still hadn't come back for him. Sam had said that Atlantis was a top-secret project his Daddy was working on with the military and they -he, Daddy, and David- had been living there for a month. Daddy had taken David back home with him because he'd had to do some things at his office. According to Sam, he had wanted to stay and his Daddy had agreed. But that had been almost two months ago. What did he have to do at his office that was taking so long? Times like that, when he felt unwanted and unloved by his Daddy, made John miss his Mommy even more.

Feeling tears start to well up, John willed them away. He wouldn't cry. Only babies cried and he wasn't a baby anymore. Pushing the sad thoughts aside, John got back to what he really loved to do, explore. When he exited the room, the light went out and the door slid shut behind him. A small smile played on his lips as John Sheppard, the world's greatest explorer and pilot, continued his quest to explore the old city.

John was in that disconcerting stage again where he was remembered being an adult, the Air Force, and his friends, yet still felt, emotionally, like a four-year-old boy. After what seemed like endless hours of exploring -which had actually only been about ninety minutes- his stomach had begun to growl and his adult memories had started coming back, so he'd made his way to the Mess Hall. There, he'd met up with Teyla and Ronon. Teyla had scolded him for taking off and worrying everyone, then she'd pulled him into a tight hug and had gotten him some lunch.

And chocolate cake.

Ronon hadn't said much, but John was pretty sure that was relief he'd seen in the big guy's eyes, and even a small amount of pride. He'd patted him on the back and had given him a small smile. As they'd eaten, Ronon had asked him how he'd gotten away from the Marine. When he'd told him, Ronon had smiled broadly, obviously proud. John had laughed when Ronon had grunted and glared at Teyla, who had apparently kicked him under the table. John noticed that she seemed to be doing that a lot since he'd been downsized.

Once lunch was done, Teyla had whispered something to Ronon then taken him back to his quarters.

John decided it was a good time to show the necklace to Teyla.

Teyla stared at the object, but made no move to take it. "It was a gift. My mother gave it to me when I was a child. I thought I lost that years ago and you found it where?" she asked as John showed her his treasure.

"In a dusty old trunk in a room on the level where Rodney's lab is. I was 'sploring and I found it. Here," John said as he handed the necklace to Teyla. "If it was yours, you should have it back."

Teyla was silent, seemingly contemplating something. When she spoke again, John wasn't sure if she was speaking to him or to herself.

"I must have lost it when we first arrived here and where exploring the city." Teyla looked at John. "It is alright, John. You found it. It is yours now."

"No," John insisted, pushing the necklace into Teyla's hands. "I want you to have it back. Your Mommy gave that to you, you should have it." He didn't remember a lot about his own mommy -Mom, not mommy, he was over thirty years old, not four, despite appearances- but he knew that gifts from moms where special.

Smiling, a single tear rolling down her left check, Teyla ruffled John's hair affectionately. "That is very kind of you, John." She wiped the tear away as she accepted the gift then wrapped him in a hug.

John let her hug him for a minute then pulled away. Teyla sat in a chair in the corner as he went to the desk and pulled down the erector set Rodney had given him a few days ago. Rodney had gone away for a few days, and had the toy with him when he returned. He played with it everyday. John sat cross-legged on the floor as he spread the pieces out in front of him. As he began to build the plane yet again, he told Teyla about the day's adventures. When he got to the end of his tail, he yawned.

"You have had a busy morning. Now, it is time for you to take a nap," Teyla informed him.

Briefly, John considered protesting. After all, he wasn't a baby anymore and hadn't taken a nap since he was three and a half. Then he yawned again. He was pretty tired. Maybe a nap wasn't such a bad idea, especially if Teyla would sing to him again. He liked it when she sang to him. His mommy used to sing him to sleep. He really missed his mommy and Teyla reminded him a lot of her. Both always offered gentle words and lots of hugs, even when he'd done something bad. "Okay," he relented after a moment. "But only if you read me a story then sing me a song." Teyla had the prettiest voice he'd ever heard when she sang.

Smiling, obviously pleased by the request, Teyla agreed with a nod and a smile.

While Teyla made her way to the bookcase to pick out a book, John climbed into bed and made himself comfortable. Less than a minute late, Teyla climbed in beside him, book in hand. John fluffed his pillow as he cuddled up close to Teyla.

As he drifted off to sleep, the stuffed dog one of the scientist's had given him snuggled in the crook of his arm, John thought, maybe, if Teyla could be his "mom", just maybe growing up again wouldn't be so bad after all.

THE END